She gazed at him as her long dark hair fell over her face. “My people in Morocco are the most generous people in the whole world, if you go to anyone’s house they will feed you and offer you a room to stay for the night, I haven’t seen it anywhere else in the world like this. But they treat women very badly. If you are a woman you are not free, that’s why I moved. When I was 18 I married and moved to France.”
“I imagine that was a challenge moving to such a different culture. You had a lot of freedom, but missed a lot of things. I imagine it was confusing too.” He said.
“Yes, I missed my family and friends, but I choose to be free, now I am travelling it is similar, you have to leave your comforts to experience life.”
“I enjoy travel, I am off to Eastern Europe in a couple weeks for 2 months, but it’s not for everyone, some people want to stay in the same place and accept the culture and rules, I respect that, just don’t choose it. Did you have any children?”
“No, my husband died when we were only married 6 months.”
“That’s sad, I’m sorry to hear.” I hope she didn’t poison him, I should probably keep that joke to myself, he thought.
“You have children?” She asked
“Yes, I have three, they are 7, 10 and 13.”
“Oh, that’s sad you don’t see them.”
“I see them all the time, when I am in Australia I spend two or three days a week there. Next week I am looking after them for a week while their mum goes away.”
“But then you are travelling you don’t see them. They miss you, they want to see you. Why do you have kids if you aren’t going to be there for them?”
“They want to see me, but they don’t need to see me. I have taught my kids to be very independent. I rarely do anything for them they couldn’t do for themselves, and I want them to be free and independent. I want them to pursue their dreams and take calculated risks, and I want to be an example of that. I want them to see a male role model in their life that is not chained to guilt, but free to pursue his own dreams. I see my kids more than many corporate fathers working 60-80 hours a week and when I do see them I am available because I am not over-worked. Being available for your kids is more than just living under the same roof as them and ignoring them. Human males have always been periodically away from their kids, it’s natural, whether on hunting expeditions or warring with neighbouring tribes or countries. it’s actually more uncommon for a man to be at home the whole time in a domestic setting.
Now my youngest is seven I can go away for longer periods of time, that’s why I am travelling this year. Children are like cakes, the ingredients and preparation is very important, but once that is done, the heat of the oven and how the cake is stored after cooking can be more flexible. The first 5 years are really important for kids to have both parents, that’s when their brain develops the most and they build self-esteem and empathy. In the olden days you would have grandpa fulfil this role while the men were away hunting and fighting, but I was able to be there about 3-4 days a week for all of them for the first 7 years. After they are five any adversity they face they can overcome.”
“Aren’t they sad when you go away for months at a time.” She persisted
“Yes, but such is life. My job is to give them a positive masculine role model and demonstrate how to enjoy and get fulfilment out of life, not stop them from feeling natural emotions like sadness.”
“Are they girls or boys.”
“The eldest is a boy, the youngest two are girls.”
“You know you will make them attracted to unavailable men.”
“Mmmm, very insightful. Yes, I have considered this and I think it’s a good thing.”
She looked at him in shock. “No, you want you daughters to find a man they can rely on and stay around, live in a family unit with them.”
He smiled. “What? And have boring grand children? No way. I’ve thought about this. Like I said it’s important to have both male and female energies for their first 5, preferably 7 years. So I have prepared a speech for my girls for when they are a bit older. It goes something like this.
‘Kids need a father in their life for at least the first 5-7 years so if you decide to have a child with someone you need to make the judgement call that this man is going to be able to stick around for that time. If he doesn’t stick around, then it is 100% on you, you can’t complain about him even once, you have to take full responsibility for him leaving for two reasons. A. It was your job to keep him, you had a kid to him and he loved you enough to commit to you and that child, as well as looking after that child, it’s your job to keep your man committed to you. You need to keep him in love with you. B. If you did everything you could to keep him and he was really just an arsehole and bailed, that is on you too, because you made the judgement call that this man was going to stay around for at least 5 years, so you made the wrong call and need to take responsibility for it.’
She shook her head and said. “It’s very hard for girls to use their head and not follow their heart.”
“I agree, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to avoid accountability. Now if they can find a man to stick around for 5 years and only 5 years then we get the perfect balance of adventurer and father. Sure the kids will want their dad, but they won’t need him after 5 years, it will be better to watch him travel and enjoy his life as free and independent. And if this cycle continues, good looking girls, attracted to unavailable men, but men that will stick around for at least 5 years, and no kids that didn’t have a father for that important period, then you will end up with lots of good looking, intelligent and adventurous grand-children. Sounds good to me.”
“But don’t you feel guilt?”
“To be honest I do sometimes, but it is societal guilt, not personal guilt, like when you moved to France from Moroco, I’m sure you felt guilty for indulging in Western freedom’s. You still had the conditioning that told you it was wrong, but in your heart you believed they were your rights. Society wants to keep me in the treadmill of over-consumption and over-work. It is not in societies best interests that I don’t work, spend much money, or commit to the one woman. I am intelligent and hard working man, I would make a great slave for the machine, but it’s not my path. It might be some peoples path, good on them, I will enjoy the airplanes and iPhones they build, but I choose to do something else.”
“OK, but what happens if your girls choose this wild adventurous guy and things don’t go as your divine plan and he does leave after a year or two, or what if his risk taking gets him killed?”
“Ah, a plan B, yes I have a plan B, but it’s terribly politically incorrect, do you think you can handle it?”
“Maybe. But I know you won’t care if I can’t so just say it.”
“Ok, this is what I would tell them. ‘Now if all goes to shit and your man leaves you before 5 years your main goal, after being a good mum, is to find a man that will step father your kids. This will be easy for you two if you are prepared to lower your standards. You need to do this because you fucked up in choosing the father of your kids so you need to take responsibility in making sure they have a man around. Now, you know how you rate girls and guys in looks; 5 and under is invisible, 6 is average and 7 and up are hot to super hot.
You girls are like 7-8’s and the guy you choose to have kids with is 99% likely to be a 7-8 too, but 50% of the male population are 6’s. 6’s all want to be with 7’s or up so will parent someone else’s child for the opportunity. There is really no excuse not to find a man if you lower your standards. He won’t be as attractive as you want and you won’t be particularly proud of him to show your friends, it doesn’t matter, you fucked up and you need to make it as right as you can. He will love you and if you choose right he will make a good step father. Don’t feel compelled to have a baby to him, you only need him until the youngest child is 5.
Do not have kids with him for at least 2 years, if after 2 years you feel you want to be with him for another 7, then ok have a kid to him, but if in your bones you know he is not good enough for you, do not settle for him, treat him as a step father, give him love, affection and sex as his trade, but not kids. Once the youngest is 5-7 then you have the option of being single and trading up. Then you can find a man that you do feel is good enough for you and have kids with him, hopefully on your second go of finding a man you will make a better decision than the first and he will stay around for 7 years.’”
“Oh my God, you are dreadful. What about the poor stepfather?” She says holding back a smile.
“It’s a jungle out there. Play or be played. My main concern is my kids and grand kids success at life.”