I was walking the streets of Warsaw and repeating my mantra to keep me motivated. “The city is full of yes girls just waiting for me to approach. “I see a small mousy blond haired girl with glasses, she didn’t give me an IOI, but everything about her must have said available because I was after her on instinct without thinking about it.

“Hi there. I hope you speak English.”

She smiles warmly at me and says she has to go to the café and work on her laptop and motions for me to join her.

“Are you inviting me to the café with you?” I ask.

“Yes, but I’m not paying.”

I laugh at her and say. “Good, I am attracted to you, if you paid for our coffees I would most likely lose that attraction. I am very chauvinistic like that.” I say with a cheeky smile.

I start walking with her but I am aware I am letting her lead, so I say. “I was just about to get some lunch from the Burger Barn there. Why don’t you come there with me instead?”

“No, I have to work.” She replies.

Lose the battle to win the war. “Ok, I’ll come and sit with you for 5 minutes and then I’ll go and get my lunch.”

I sit with her for 5 minutes and she starts to warm to me. She is a married late twenties Ukrainian in Warsaw doing her masters at university and complains that the Polish girls at school aren’t very friendly to her. I think back to Rob’s lonely Ukrainian archetype and tick that box, the husband I am not so concerned about, the vibe she is giving me is not friend zone. I excuse myself to get lunch and we message a bit back and forth over the next few days before setting up a coffee date in the afternoon. I couldn’t get an evening drink date so let her win that one as well.

On our coffee date she is already there and greets me warmly. I bring the chair around so it is closer to hers saying. “I can’t hear your little mouse voice from all the way over there.” She doesn’t seem to give any resistance to my proximity so after a bit of chit chat I place my hand on her leg to emphasize a topic. She looks up and smiles and I gauge her response as positive. “You have very small hands.” I say sitting back looking at them. She lifts them up and looks at them demurely. “Let me compare them to mine.” I say as I lean in and hold my hand up next to hers. She seems comfortable with my touch. Tick

She tells me about the Masters she is studying and goals around wanting to move to Germany or some other Western European country. She doesn’t like living in Ukraine and doesn’t like Poland much better. I’m not sure where her husband fits into all this who is back in the Ukraine, but I figure it’s best to not ask any questions about him.

“Do you have nay tattoos?” I ask.

“No. You?”

“Some, but they are in secret places.” I tease.

“Do you have any piercings?”

“No.”

“I can see you have earrings.”

“Oh yes apart from those.”

I reach over and touch her ear. “They are nice.” I say as I hold her ear gently and pretend like I am a jewellery expert examining the cut of the stone. “You have cute ears too.” I say rubbing them a little. She smiles and doesn’t pull her head back at all. OK, she has passed all the physical tests, she likes me.

She tells me about her life in her small village, her musician father that thought it was silly for her to learn guitar and that she should focus on girly things. And her joy at getting good at it and then them playing together. I tell her about my travels and dreams about being a writer. I bounce her to the park and we sit on a bench very close.

“I will probably invite you back to my apartment at some stage. I just want to let you know that just because you come back to my apartment doesn’t mean we have to have sex. I will probably try because I am a man and you are a sexy woman, but it is always up to the woman.”

“I am, not sexy.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” I say

We talk a bit more. She says she is a big movie fan and lists all the super hero movies she likes. I think that makes a good bounce back excuse so after a while say. “Come on let’s go and watch a movie.” As I get up and motion for her to follow.

“Where?”

“My Place.”

“I can’t come back to your apartment.”

“OK, well let’s get some food then. I’m hungry.” I say.

I walk her towards my place and stop at a restaurant and have a salad. After the meal I try the bounce again. No good. “Well maybe we can go to the movies then.” I say. The cinema is just next to my apartment in Chmielna. We go and watch Dead Pool 2. I enjoy it and then try one more time to get her into mine. She declines and I say goodbye. I go home alone and think I might have over-pulled with three invites back to my apartment and also lost a bit of value by spending so much time with her, over 5 hours when you include the movie.

In the morning she texts and wants to meet again so I think this is on. We meet at the same café, go to a different park for a walk, the escalation feels slow and steady, we kiss but she doesn’t let herself go. We talk and she tells me some more interesting stories. Having grown up at the tail end of communism they had run out of food and could only eat what they grew in their garden. Her dad had lost his job and her mum still worked as a school teacher, but there was no money left so they could only pay her in cement. However, since everyone else was being paid in cement you couldn’t sell it and everyone had a stock pile of cement. We walked some more and I tried to bounce her back to mine – no dice.

The next morning she texted me again. OK, third time lucky. We meet at the same café, go to the same park. I feel buoyed that it is progressing each date and we now constantly touch each other and kiss for a little longer, but she still won’t let herself go. She tells me the only man she has ever slept with is her husband, so I can start to understand why it might take three dates. Her husband rings. She looks at me with fear. “It’s him. I have to answer it, it’s late, I should be at home.”

“Of course, answer it.” I say.

I notice my emotions as she talks to hubby. I am not jealous at all; I actually feel like I like him. I like her and he is her husband, he is like family. She is giggling and speaking Ukrainian while she is rubbing up against me. I wonder if he wonders why she is in such a good mood. I figure I am doing him a favour.

She finishes her call. We kiss and cuddle and I lead her back to mine, she stops at the metro. “No I can’t.” She says trembling. “OK, lets walk around the block.” She agrees. On a quiet street I pull her into a doorway and we make out. I get a bit of blood to my cock and place her hand on it. She squeezes me and then pulls away. “No. I can’t.” She says. I stand there as she backs away. She comes back in for a quick kiss, then slips away again. “Good bye.” She says as she walks off.

I go home angry and disgruntled. She texts me a couple hours later at 11pm.

“Micky, I don’t really want to bother you. Am I allowed to meet you tomorrow? Long walking is not mandatory If you don’t want to – I’ll understand, we’re done. But I’d like to spend more time with you before you go.”

I’m starting to think she is a time waster, but I show a couple friends and they assure me that is the DTF text. One friend says. “I just closed a girl in Moscow. She wouldn’t come to mine on the third date. On the fourth we met for coffee and I just walked her to my apartment and we banged with no LMR.” I tell her I have plans at 6pm but can meet her at 4pm. We meet at the café, talk for ten minutes, go for a walk to the park, but I divert her to my place since the weather has turned cold and I need to get a jacket. She follows and I think this is looking good. We get to my apartment building.

“Come in.” I say.

“No, I’ll wait here.”

“Come on don’t be silly, come in.”

“No, I’ll wait here.”

“You will be waiting a while. I’m not coming back out for you.”

She stands there and I go inside. She sends me texts while I’m in my room coaxing me to come out. I reply. “Only if you come to my apartment.” I think there’s still a chance. She’s not coming. I go downstairs and give her a kiss and say goodbye. Fucking time waster.