As I sat to write what was going to be the final post of the Micky Miller blog I remembered I had actually committed to the end of 2020. So fuck it another year it is. But this blog is certainly going to change track for this final year.
My first commitment was to the end of 2017. I decided I would give it at least a bit over 2 years and if I had some success I would continue a further commitment. I approached over 3000 girls in that time and had countless dates. The approach anxiety was gone and I ceased to have to carry that backpack that told me I had to grind – had to approach X number of girls in a session. My daygame sessions become joyful walks and if I didn’t see any girls I wanted to approach then I didn’t approach. There was such a freedom in that.
I still needed a lot of work in my dating. I would over escalate and was generally uncalibrated. So at the beginning of 2018 I recommitted to the end of 2020. In 2018 I had a great year where I travelled Thailand, Indonesia and Eastern Europe. I became the international playboy of my childhood dreams – at least in my own head. Then my son got sick in September 2018.
The following 12 months was full of trauma and grief. Grief not only of my son, but of the unresolved grief of my father’s death when I was only 4. I acted out on sex and drug addiction and I experienced full blown emotional flashbacks known as C-PTSD. I kept it together enough to not let the wheels fall off and then all the trauma ceased in October this year. My son was home from hospital and I was able to get back to work and salvage my life. So why was this going to be my final post?
I am at a stage of my seduction journey where fucking new girls is not very inspiring. I have also recently reconnected with some of my old friends who are married. There were 4 in particular who had wonderful (and stable) lives. They weren’t having the wild international sex trips I was having, but I couldn’t say they weren’t happier. I looked back at my life and I had a great 12 years with my ex. When we met she was 21 and I was 22. The only thing she did wrong was get old. I could happily find another girl very similar to her and settle down for 10-15 years again. A 21 year old wife just like her would be fine. I didn’t cheat much in those early days either. Even though I’m a sex addict if I am happy with my partner I don’t need to cheat (much). That’s what I want again.
So having decided I no longer wanted to seduce better and hotter girls I sat down to write my last post saying good bye, I’m now done with game and looking for wife. But on further consideration all the PUA’s (except TT – God bless him) end up with wives. Krauser has turned his blog into a marketing tool to attract such a creature (quite genius). Isn’t finding a good wife a suitable end goal of seduction? I mean, what else am I going to do. I’m 44, my value can only drop. Is short term romances and meaningless sex the best course of action for the rest of my days? I have an 8 and 11 year old daughter. I already have to deal with the fallout of them being attracted to unavailable men through my behaviour. Do I really want to continue this into the gates of nihilism? Or would I like to settle down with a girl I believe I can fall in love with and have an enjoyable and stable life? – maybe even more kids.
I haven’t achieved what I had wanted to in seduction – I did not become a master PUA. I was not able to fuck 8’s regularly in any city in the world – I increased my SMV, but not by that much. However, did I achieve a lot of things I didn’t know I needed. Yes, I learnt how to fuck girls, but more importantly I learnt how to not let the promise of pussy paradise sacrifice my better judgement. Ironically pussy paradise was the motivation I even got into daygame.
Back in 2015 at the start of this blog I was broken by yet another failed relationship. I thought she was the hottest girl that would take me. She was a Westernised, masculinised, 37-year-old for fucks sake. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. But I did know if she didn’t fuck me then I wasn’t getting laid – and she knew it too. She had all the power and it made me so weak and so unattractive. I brought out the worst in her. She may be a cunt, but I made her a cunt of a cunt because she was pissed off I kept failing her shit tests.
This blog is my journey of committing to be single until I could be in a relationship and not be in mortal fear of her leaving me. I learnt how to meet girls, I overcame the fear of girls, I learnt how to seduce girls, and now I am finally learning how to discern which ones I could marry. I know 90% of what I want in a women. And I know how to meet them. I am no longer dating – I am interviewing for a wife.