I recently just clocked up 200 approaches. They are certainly getting easier and my body is getting more used to the stress. I’m able to approach with less anxiety, I’m able to stay out in field for longer periods, and I’m finding it much easier on my own now.
Pre Approach Nerves
I can still be very nervous when I think about going out day gaming, this has reduced a lot, but it’s still there. There difference is I am now able to draw on resources of my past experience. If I feel nervous I can just tell myself that I have felt worse than this and had good sarges, it’s a beautiful day, I am all dressed up nice, and I’m going for walk in one of the worlds nicest cities. Once I am out, I can be confident that the habit I have built in approaching women will kick in because it is, by definition, a habit and hard not to do.
I don’t always have time, but I usually do 30-60 mins of yoga and meditation before going out. I’m not sure if this helps specifically with the sarge, it certainly doesn’t hurt, but it does help with my over all health and general anxiety levels.
Once I start walking from my house to Queen St, which is about a 15 minute walk, I sometimes listen to an inspirational music playlist, a self-hypnosis audio, or Ekhart Tolle audio books to try and get me into a good mood, present, and build my confidence.
These get me present, but I can’t help be on the scout for hot women. My body is ready to game and my fight/flight response (if that is even what it is) is ready to rock and pounce on unsuspecting young hot women, so I don’t pay as much attention to audio as I would like. Recently I have given up on the audio and just enjoy the walk.
Half the time I will find someone I like and approach her on my way into the city, or I might find a two set and approach more indirect, without any real objective, just to get my social energy flowing. I will actually talk or make a joke with anyone who is friendly for this same reason.
This has reduced dramatically. The first 50 approaches, it was a terrifying rush of energy as I went in for the approach. By 100 there was still a bit of a rush, but more before I started moving my feet, once I actually started moving I felt pretty much on autopilot. Now at 200 most of the “conscious” anxiety is gone, when I see someone in my paradigm of what I consider ok to approach I can do it with not much fear.
However my fear has become much sneaker. Now I find reasons not to approach that I think about a minute later and think to myself “That wasn’t a good enough reason”. I have heard these called Weasels and I’ll share in another post
My social intelligence has increased and I can read body language better. I have learned better how to read if someone is on they’re own or walking in a group, but just detached from that group. If they are with others it is pretty easy to spot them mirroring the people close to them.
Indicators of Interest (IOI’s) is an interesting one as I am now starting to discern more subtle forms of IOI’s than a direct look. It is now easier to tell when a girl notices me, but only looks at me through her peripheral vision. I think I can also tell when a girl shows an Indicator of disinterest (IOD’s), and that is in her body language when she notices me and is repelled, it is a subtle mouth movement and look away.
Speed of walk; I have had much better luck with approaches to girls who are walking slowly and without a definite purpose, this tells me that they have more time available and more open for a distraction.
I still need to be mindful not to let this new social intellect be an excuse for not approaching certain girls. In fact, I should approach some women that give me IOD’s or look like they are walking really fast and are on a mission, or even give me a subtle but negative look. This will help with approach anxiety and also to test some of my assumptions.
As I have mentioned before I do what has been referred to as the “Yad” or the “Front” stop. This has been by far the majority of my approaches and after 200 I have become very familiar, if not particularly proficient, with it. But just recently I have noticed some of the technique starting to flow without me thinking about it too deeply; one set recently where I must have been in particularly good energy I felt like I was in the matrix and could read between the lines of code the girl was doing and saying.
Instead of really thinking about technique I am subconsciously going through a checklist. I am aware of my stance (although I still put my hands in my pockets), I’m aware of my distance from the girl, my voice tone and nice slow speech, eye contact is good, but breaks occasionally, to not make it to intense, and I am aware if I am asking to many questions. This last point is my major sticking point I need to work on.
I’m also getting better at staying in set longer, sometimes I am just not enjoying it or decide I’m not attracted to her and eject, but nearly every girl says she has to go somewhere and has an excuse to walk off. I am getting better at overcoming these objections and “ploughing”.
I am a big fan of Nick Krasuer and almost through osmosis, by listening to and reading his content, I have found myself after saying “you look nice” moving straight into, “what I noticed about you was…”. This has been really good, because even with the worst of sets it stops the girl from walking away, which they are most often thinking about, if not half way in motion. It also puts me on the spot and have to come up with something. The more I do it the more canned it becomes because I am starting to repeat what I have said before, but it is still highly specific to that girl.
I still need to work on “I just want to ask you one thing …….” Rather than letting them go when they assure me they are busy. Maybe I can report that at Life After 300 Approaches