I’m in the hospital room with my son. I hear some noise in the hallway. I glance up and an attractive, but beaten up, girl in her late twenties is milling about talking to the staff. She is slim, with dark straight hair and wearing a black singlet. As she turns I get a full visual of her braless small but perky tit. That’s a bit hot. I think. I see her the next day in the family room. I like skinny girls, but she is gaunt and unhealthy looking. Her arm is in a sling and she has cuts on her forehead. She looks at me with a smile. I smile back and think, She’s got to be an ice addict, I better leave that alone.

A couple weeks later I walk to the family room to get a coffee and see her out of the corner of my eye as I walk past the room her son is staying in. I make my coffee, look up and there she is. She looks much healthier now, not so gaunt looking and she is really very beautiful. Maybe I judged her unfairly. She looks at me and smiles. Ooohh I want that. “Can you try and get the battery out of this phone for me”. She asks. I oblige wondering, I think that was finding an excuse to talk to me. We exchange names. Hers is Melani. She tells me her and her son were in a car accident. She had broken bones everywhere and her son has a brain injury.

The next day I walk to the lift and see her out of the corner of my eye. I press the button and wait. The lift comes and I get in. As the doors almost close Melani puts her hand in making them open again. She gets in. I smile. I can’t be sure, but I think she just followed me. We talk about the progress of our kids and how stressful it can be in the hospital then I say. “You look like a girl who would appreciate smoking fine cannabis”

“Fuck yeah. I would do anything for a smoke of weed.” She says with a seductive look. Fuck me. I think.

“I’m baked most of the time I’m here. I know you don’t get much time, but if you can sneak away for 20 minutes we can hang out in my apartment over the road and get stoned together.” She jumps on the idea and we exchange numbers.

She comes over the next day and we vape some weed. I feel like we bond over the similar situation of our sons in hospital with brain injuries. She tells me the doctors said that her sons brain injury was going to change his personality and that she would have to grieve for her old son and learn to fall in love with her new one. It hits me hard. That’s not something the doctors told me, but something I had thought about myself. It was powerful to hear someone else say it. I felt a bond. And her sitting there with me on my bed with her mid riff exposed and her silky white skin just begging me to do all sorts of terrible stuff to her. I become am completely obsessed with her. We spend time together over the next week. We kiss and hug a bit, but holds back and I don’t push the sex issue. She says her body is still so sore from the accident. It’s a reasonable excuse to me.

We make plans to take our kids to the movies. It’s a short walk from the hospital. We are sitting in the family room looking at the schedule on my phone so we can buy tickets. She is siting close to me, resting up against me. “I want you to stay with me tonight in the apartment”. “OK” She says almost before I finish the sentence. We have a fun day at the movies. I am a little nervous but excited to be sticking my dick into this skinny skanky thing that evening.

We get back to the hospital and there is a guy with green died hair waiting for her. She ignores me and goes with him and her son to their room. I message her after a couple hours and she says she is too tired. We see each other a little over the next week. I never fuck her. I am heart broken. I then put the pieces together and realise she has been using ice while in the hospital. I was just in denial about it. I fell in love with a packety that will drop everything and everyone to get a taste. I feel fucked. I feel so low. I allowed myself to get deluded.

I recover quickly and after a couple days see the error in my ways. See my neediness for sexual intimacy. See how easily I can ignore my values to meet these needs. I need to change. I hope DA can change me. I am debting my future happiness and intimacy with people I genuinely respect for short term sexual gratification with people whose values lead to destruction.

My answer? I signed up to Sugardaddymeet.com.