Good date last night, no sex, but I really enjoyed myself and we have planned to meet again. I was quite nervous before meeting her. When I looked closer at why, it was fear of failure. I have put so much effort into my dating life and stuffed up so many dates, that if I fucked this one up too I would be really upset.
I went through the motions of getting ready and made the walk to meet her in the city at 9.00pm after she finished English class. On the way I listed to a podcast interviewing Johnny Berba and he talked about being honest and vulnerable and enjoying the moment. My failed dates had been either no game, or playing a role that wasn’t really me, both causing me to miss out, so I decided to play it down a bit, especially the cocky, and just go for more vulnerable and authentic than confident.
She was there waiting for me and because I only met her for 5 minutes in my daytime approach it was actually hard to recognize her. She recognized me and we greeted warmly. She was from Brazil with light brown hair and eyes, beautiful unblemished light olive skin and big wide hips. I’m generally attracted to skinnier girls, but there was something about her that turned me on.
We went to a pool top bar over looking queen St, which I think is really cool. I refrained from explaining it and just said she would like it, which made it even cooler when we got there as it was an interesting surprise. I bantered with the bar staff by accident when they gigged me for drinking water and I replied I drank enough in my early days to last me a life time. My frame must have been strong because they reacted with respect and I could also feel how well she liked this calm and confident man next to her that didn’t need to drink to be so.
I lead her to a high table with bar stools, pulled out her stool for her and sat opposite. I normally don’t like sitting opposite, but the place was pretty empty and there were couches close by, so I thought it would be a mini bounce opportunity. After pleasantries and a bit of comfort I ran a couple new routines I had written done. Bringing up my new writing career move and telling her I had been writing about my childhood and how I remembered my first day at school. This gave me the opportunity to ask if she remembered hers, which she then described vividly the parts she did remember. I think I could have played more with this and ask if there was a boy or teacher she had a crush on.
Somehow we ended up in a travel questions game about which cities we had been too, we were both well travelled and this was quite fun, although a little bit too much comfort. I moved in to “If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow morning, where would you wake up”. I think she misunderstood my intentions and thought I was implying she wanted to wake up in my bed. I quickly clarified that I meant anywhere in the world, like a holiday or something. But on second thoughts, it might have been better to allow this misunderstanding to go on for a few seconds more.
I then bounced her to the couch so we were siting next to each other and fell into the comfort trap. I knew I needed to spice things up, but I had a bit of fear about transitioning. Somehow I moved into suggesting a questions game and she eagerly agreed, just the subtext of the rules and creating a little bit of sexual anxiety in her about what the questions might be changed the whole vibe. We were now able to explore each others romantic and sexual lives, eye contact got deeper and we had transitioned well to where we really both wanted to be.
I broke from the game to check logistics and she had to be at work by 8.30 the next morning and had to get a bus in 30 mins. I thought this might change, but I felt an openness and honesty to this girl that I suspected she was genuine. After about 3-4 questions each I felt it was getting a bit predictable so I decided to try the “cube” routine, which I had never used before. This was probably the highlight of the date. The interpretations were spot on, which made her think I was a legend. “You’re good” she kept repeating. But it also allowed me to see a side of her that I really liked and identified with and was able to say “you are like me in that way” and we were able to bond.
It was getting late, she had finished her drink and I wanted to bounce, so I offered her to come back to mine and I would drive her home, which she declined politely, but said with a subtle insinuation “not this time”. We both said how much we had enjoyed each others company and wanted to see each other again and help hands with a smile. On the way back to the street I spiked it up in the privacy of the elevator, by asking her to repeat herself because I was too busy looking at her and then kissing her on the forward and hugging her a bit. She responded well.
Back on Queen St, I walked her to her bus and went back into comfort. She had 8 minutes to wait for her bus and this was probably my weakest part. I should have spiked it up more her and teased her more with pretending to go for the kiss etc. I will research “Style’s Evolution Phase Shift”. At least I got close to her put my head on her shoulder and told her how good she smelled, and booked our next date for Thursday afternoon.
Admittedly this girl made the date easy for me letting me lead the whole way and giving me almost zero tests, but I am also happy with the way I handled it. The routines I used were really only a tool to express who I was and get us into the place we both wanted to be. I was honest, vulnerable and congruent and this felt like it made me appear much more confident than any cocky funny persona I created. But the routines were essential. I had tried to be “me” without these in the past and wasn’t able to transition from comfort to romance and the dates bombed.