As the rabbit hole of daygame continues and I lam forced to look at my value as a man I can see that I have been setting goals the wrong way, at least for me. My goals were always too long and too outcome dependent. I discovered this quite by accident. It was said in the pick up community that you needed two years to get good at daygame. It was October 2015, so I arbitrarily chose January 2018 as the time it would take me to get good.
I realized getting good at seduction was the most important thing to me so I decided it was worth making it my major focus, at least for that time period. I moved to Brisbane and was so full of hope and enthusiasm that I had found the secret sauce to meet all my boyhood dreams of fucking hot women. I had no idea of the pain, and trial and tribulations to come. It was only when I settled and realized there was no magic secret and what was required was hard work and a system to rewire myself that “might” end with success.
Failing so much more than succeeding with daygame and dating the only way I could overcome the cognitive dissonance was to “trick” myself into focusing on the effort I put in rather than the results, or lack there of. Having a specific date that daygame would be my primary focus until, and focusing on the action that I would put in when the harsh reality of my results depressed me, gave me a strong sense of purpose.
This felt good and it reminded me of when I was 17, in my final year of high school, year 12. It was made to be such a big thing by parents and teachers so it made sense for me to make that my major commitment. It also had an end date. Looking back I thoroughly enjoyed that year.
But then I was left disillusioned at the end of it because I didn’t know I needed to make another commitment, and didn’t know what I wanted to do. I was also outcome dependent on the results of my final exams as opposed to the effort I put into preparation. Over the next 20 years my goals were always too long, too outcome dependent, and didn’t have any plan for what next.
The good thing about year 12 was that it was only one year of dedication. This is quite manageable, as is my 2 year commitment to daygame. At the end of 2001 I read Think and Grow Rich and made a personal vision statement to have 10 million dollars by Jan 1st 2012. I didn’t make anywhere near that fortune and I felt like such a failure at this date. I was a bit down on the book for helping me create this depression in my life. Now I realize that the goal was so outcome independent and it lacked effort based sub-goals.
With a 2 year effort based goal, like my commitment to daygame, I can see the finish line right from the start. It also makes me excited about the next goal. I have made a decision not to chose that next goal until I have finished this one, but it is exciting to imagine what it will be. I am tempted to make the next goal 7-10 years, but I realize this is a mistake. For business I can commit to study for 2 years, or working with a team, and then see what happens. For writing I can also commit to something like a single book, or a blog, or both. Something tangible.
In the end I don’t really know if all this is bullshit. Part of my mind tells me this is a method for losers that fear failure and winners would chose outcome dependent goals and force their sub-conscious to respond to the demands of their conscious. For example I should bang 20 x HB7+ from daygame by 2018. But to be honest I don’t have the heart for it. Depending on how you look at it I have either learnt from my mistakes or I am damaged from setting outcome dependent goals and suffering the resultant depression of not achieving them.
In my old age and wisdom I have decided to accept my limits and even if I could achieve slightly more by being outcome dependent the resultant depression is not worth it. Besides who is to say the effort based goals will not help me achieve more. We will never know, but I’m confident this path is the most enjoyable.