At around 150 approaches I have had 3 dates with women that I was attracted to enough to girlfriend. And I failed at each attempt. By the third I think I can start to see where I am failing. I met her from an approach in Coles, she had obviously just thrown something on quickly to go to the shops and was wearing this low cut dress, no bra and no makeup, she looked so amazing and natural and my blood boiled. We will call her Jess.
Fortuitously I saw her on her own in the chocolate isle (my favourite) and gave her my standard approach. “Excuse me… I just saw you there and thought you looked rally nice.” Her eyes beamed and she was like a little girl in her response, it turned me on even more. When I went for the number close I realized I didn’t have my phone with me, knowing I wouldn’t remember the number, I said. “Lets just make a date now”, and suggested a café just around the corner. She said the next day she had off work was Saturday (it was currently Tuesday) and was free at 3pm, so we locked it in.
Magic Starting to Fade
I saw her again at the register and then walked with her for a bit, but she was doing more shopping, so I said goodbye. I felt there was some weakness there on my part that I couldn’t quite pinpoint and I had lost some of the magic that I had created in my approach.
To be honest I didn’t think she would show for our date, but she did and we found a nice table and I started out ok and revisited the magic of our first encounter and how romantic I thought it was that we had set this random date and both turned up. But before long I lost that magic and allowed the conversation to flow into the boring talk of who, when and where rather than the language of emotions and exploring how she felt, what turned her on, etc.
Sadly I still know nothing about her
We had coffee, went for a walk, exchanged numbers and went our separate ways. Sadly I felt like I still know nothing about her. I know all about her work, family, interests, travel experiences etc. But nothing about what is really important to me, and probably even more so to her, and that is how she feels when she is really attracted to someone, what it feels like to be in love, and all the sub-communication that comes with this interaction. The eye contact, the softening of her body language, the melting of her defences, and the resultant desire in her eyes.
And the funny thing is it’s her that wants these things more than me. She is a sexual being that has probably fantasized about me, imagined our date over and over in her head, she so desperately wants a strong man to take her and ravage her, a strong man that was undaunted by her defences and slowly and steadily moved through them to the inner core of her emotional being where she holds a vast array of fantasies from prince charming taking her away in his carriage to being fucked by an entire football team.
It was my job to break through these barriers, that in fact breaking through these barriers was part of the seduction process she so desired, like the heroes journey to get the princess, it was my job to plough, keep changing the subject back to love, romance, all with a sexual undertone and innuendo.
They were willing to have sex with me
I can see now the same pattern with the three dates I have had. I have to work a bit harder than some. I am average looking and forty. These girls are smoking hot and 25-30. I have been able to create enough attraction for them to give me a chance, and they are completely willing to have sex with me, if not that night at least within the week.
But I have to pass more tests first, it’s my job to get their blood to boil and get them all hot and sweaty and want to fuck me, and it’s their job to put up obstacles to stop that happening. And if I can pass all their tests, their barriers and resistance then this is what in fact turns them on even more. It’s either a win-win or lose-lose situation. If we win I penetrate them emotionally and physically and if we lose, we pretend like we just didn’t have enough in common, or there wasn’t enough “chemistry”.
The game and the strategy
Yes, it’s a game, but it’s the oldest game in the world, and one we all owe our lives to. It’s also a game that every sexual species has to play. There might be a number of ways to do this, like push pull, framing, prizing, displays of higher value, but that just feels too tactical to me. Surprisingly what feels the most genuine to me is hypnosis via seductive language patterns. More on that in my next post.