I really thought it would be much easier by now. At the beginning of my journey back in November, I would have thought that after 400 approaches I would be over the hump and having a ball. The reality is this is one of the most challenging periods of my life.
It’s not all doom and gloom. I have some awesome times when out daygaming and regularly get into a flow state. I have been getting regular numbers, some dates, and have learnt so much about myself.
But, on the other side of the coin the flow states are only about 10% of my in-field experience. About 20% of the time I feel fear, self doubt, unworthy, old and recently even that this is a waste of time and I will never get it. The rest of, and in fairness the majority of, the time I have been enjoying being out and about Brisbane city, the learning experience, and the conversations I have had with women and the men I have connected with as wings.
I am getting about one number every 6-7 approaches now and that keeps me buoyed, but most of these flake and I’m really only getting a date a fortnight. In fact, while the number closing has increased so have the flakiness of these numbers. I was actually getting more dates when I was number closing 1 in 15 approaches. It’s like my technical skill has increased but my micro expressions are still giving me away and the women are putting me in the sleazy basket rather than either of the lover or provider. Daygame Hell!
Worst still is I haven’t been laid once from daygame. This just brings my confidence down even more and makes my body language even more needy and desperate. It’s hard to give off the lover vibe, when I’m not. And this is a pretty vicious circle, as I know once I start to get a few lays, then things will turn around significantly. This was the case a number of times in my late teens and early twenties – getting layed in patches.
The other tough thing now is the expectations of myself. When I started I could call myself a beginner. My first 200 approaches were about getting over the approach anxiety and rejections, number close and date ratios, and lay count didn’t really matter. But I have been “faking it till I make it” and doing my best to appear super confident with a woman and sparking her attraction. In this process I have tricked myself into believing I should be as capable as I pretend to be. I can no longer congratulate myself for simply approaching a girl, now I am results driven. I am on a mission to become a “master seducer” and I am failing.
Advice to Self
Giving up is not an option. I have made a commitment to 1000 approaches. So the most intelligent thing to do is both enjoy the next 600 approaches as much as possible and do them in a way that allows me to get the most learning.
I am still a beginner. My body is still so nervous when I approach and using all this technique to be the “lover” is really only putting more pressure on myself. It’s also filtering more and making me spend less time with “maybe” and “no” girls. This would be all right down the track, but I think my biggest sticking point at the moment is lack of exposure. I don’t need to just pretend to be confident I need some real confidence. A couple of lays wouldn’t hurt this issue, but in the absence of that I think I might need to tone it down a little and allow myself to go back a bit to “provider” or K on the sliding scale.
I’m also starting to get a bit too familiar with my daygame routine. I go into the Brisbane City and do nearly all my approaches in the one area of the Queen Street Mall. This is the best area for daygame, but it’s time I pushed my boundaries and mix it up, do more solo daygame and spend more time out in the field. I think I should also try some night-time pick up (as opposed to night game). More walking and exploring Brisbane City, making mental notes for first and second dates, and keeping an eye out for single women at bars and coffee shops. In my earlier years I had some success with this and I didn’t even have any game theory.
I never got around to taking my laptop with me, I even bought a nice lightweight over the shoulder bag, I should at least try it. It might allow me to stay out in field longer. I am a bit of a home body and just want to return home where I get too relaxed and never want to go out again. But even here I only need to get dressed and walk out the door and just see what happens.
Part of the reason I want to call it a day and go home when out in field is that my vibe goes down. When this happens my mind talks to me and tells me things like. “You’re not approaching anyway, you are wasting your time” and I feel guilty for not doing something constructive. I feel like I am wasting myself on this task doomed to failure.
The reality is there is nothing more important than persisting at this. It doesn’t matter if my vibe is down and I let every hot girl go past, or if I feel like I will never have the courage to approach a girl again. I can draw on experience and remember other times I felt like this and eventually got an IOI or some sort of easy approach and that will push my vibe up a bit and propel me into the next set.