Have I become lazy? Not really, I’m still always busy. Am I depressed? Not really, I have suffered depression in the past and my mood is quite high at the moment. Then why has my motivation for my businesses waned? Why do I not care about money or wealth anymore? That question is incorrect; a more correct question is why am I not as motivated by money or wealth anymore
These are some pretty deep questions. Let’s explore.
Embracing The Daygame Lifestyle
I am up to 300 approaches now and I have ramped up my weekly quota. It was 20, but the week before last I did 35 and then last week 50. It’s getting easier and I am able to keep my energy higher, but I think 50 a week is probably the upper end of what I will be doing.
In any case I have fully embraced the daygame life and spend 12-15 hours on the streets in-field and at least that writing and reading. Ha ha, I laugh to myself that I considered I was being lazy. No wonder I have little motivation for much else, but I have discovered a deeper reason for the lack of motivation as I listened to “Womanizers Bible #15 – Regeneration” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1_ZuJi-JRk
They talked about the intensity of daygame on your brain chemicals and the adrenaline and dopamine “cost” of doing daygame and how intense daygame uses up all those chemicals and leaves you demotivated for the other areas in your life, in my case my businesses. Their answer was to hang around the house in your dressing gown and watch cartoons and play video games, but this was not at all appealing to me so I googled “how to naturally increase dopamine” and as I suspected exercise, yoga and meditation were pretty high on the list.
These certainly rejuvenate me and get me centered and ready for daygame, but they don’t do much for my motivation for my businesses. If anything it just gets me even more comfortable with the “now” and even less motivated for business and more motivated for daygame.
I am completely obsessed with daygame and this is a good thing. By nature I get obsessed with things and in the past I have had negative obsessions like my addiction to alcohol and drugs in my early 20’s. When I got clean at 25 I had a number of secondary addictions pop up like porn, chat rooms, chocolate and even shopping. Sometimes I would just get obsessed with ideas like the car I wanted to buy, house to rent, or a resentment on someone. At the time I asked my AA sponsor about these “obsessions” and he assured me that if I worked the steps and stayed clean all my obsessions would turn into enthusiasm.
This proved the case and now I don’t get obsessed with anything I don’t want to. This power enabled me to start all my businesses and get them profitable and is now being directed at daygame – but not without a cost.
I just don’t want to be a businessman anymore. I don’t really want my businesses and I certainly don’t want to work in them. This is such a strange feeling as I have identified with being an entrepreneur all my life, actually entrepreneur borderline hustler all my life. In primary school we would play marbles and I wealt and dealt my way to the biggest marble collection in the whole school. My mum got a few phone calls from concerned parents saying that my practices in winning marbles, while perhaps sticking to the rules, weren’t entirely fair. Years later in high school I sold marijuana and LSD to support my own use and it was all a matter of finding a source the other kids didn’t know about, buying for one dollar and selling for two.
Not much has changed in my business life. As part of my commitment to honesty, and working the 12 steps, I don’t do anything illegal. But satisfying peoples needs in a way that others can’t and profiting from that practice is my business/hustle.
Women vs Wealth
The most important thing to me, from growing up as a little boy after I had had my first sexual fantasy, was to have sexual relations with beautiful women. This was my main motivation to be rich in the first place. All that hard work and obsession for business was a means to an end to get the “pussy”. I had accepted this from society and didn’t believe there was another way.
If I had been asked to choose between sexual abundance and wealth, I’m not sure what I would have chosen. It was so ingrained in me that they were one and the same thing. But now I have taken the red pill I realize it is a ruse.
Seeing what is possible with daygame and pickup has opened my eyes to a whole new world and the desire for wealth is only a small part of that new world. I feel like I can achieve what I want without large wealth and if I was to pursue wealth again it would only be after I have got my dating life sorted and changed my behavior enough to be a “real man”; emotional and vulnerable, yet not affected by problems and especially women’s bad behavior. To be a rock in the stormy sea of life and women.
For today I am done with business, at least emotionally anyway. My businesses are not successful or scalable enough for me to extricate myself completely. So the physical part will take me some time to change. I also can’t get over the reality that I have 3 kids I need to support, and I don’t know how to do that without continuing to run my businesses. I need about 80k per year for everyone to be comfortable. I have decided instead of trying to nut out a solution I will visualize what I want and see what unfolds.
Visualise Being a Writer
As a late teen and early twenties I had embraced the writing of a number of authors including Henry Miller, Jack Kerouac and William S. Burroughs. Lacking a father figure, their writing became my male role model and I imagined myself living a romantic life and creating art in the form of writing.
I joined “society” and focused my creativity into business, bought a house, had kids etc. It was fun and I was very passionate about it all, but it has left me feeling like I might have lived my life based on others values and expectations, and my need to create wealth to “get the pussy”. I had pushed aside my dreams of being a writer and living this romantic life and justified it by believing this business, house, kids version of me was the matured version.
But fuck maturity. I am 40 and want to live life and create things that bring value to people souls, not just buy low and sell high. I am dedicated to daygame, but not being an author just yet, but I am interested in exploring this idea and will start with a visualization and see what my sub-conscious can muster.
Comfortable in the fact the each year I will have at least 80k. I may need to look at my investments occasionally, but can have weeks at a time diving deep into my writing. I keep to my morning routine and then just write, get lost in my words, break around lunch time and go out and do field research; interview people, voice recordings and of course meet and seduce women.
Some nights I collect my notes and manage my VA, but most nights I fornicate and have fun, observing people and documenting it in creative words that will add value to people and they will love.