I met her back in April and approached from an IOI. She looked too young for me to cold approach, but the IOI helped. She was tall and blonde with an exposed midriff, sexy skinny belly and dressed like a rock chick. I never did get her on a date, however messaged all my old numbers on Saturday and she responded and agreed to a date on Sunday at Southbank at 4pm. I assumed after all this time to agree to come out and meet me she was DTF. When I met her at Southbank she was in a summer dress, which I didn’t expect, but she still looked hot. We met and hugged and the way she looked at me was amazing. She was so feminine and her eyes just beamed. She seemed to hold nothing back. Talk about happy dog-face. It was really attractive. I walked her to a café and tried to keep the conversation chit chatty asking her what she had done that day, to which she replied. “watching the 100”. I was generally curious so asked her to continue explain what it was about and noticed myself asking in a sort of challenging way making her do the effort. It was a bit early for that. It got a little bit sexual quick her mentioning something about skipping to the lesbian scenes. I confided in her how I stalk TV characters once I get to know them. This would make a good DHV, about being much more intrigued by women once I get to know their character.
The wind was blowing so I bounced her inside to the couches. She complied easily and was happy to sit next to me. Doing my best not to lean in or be too needy I laid back. She had said she had only recently got out of hospital and I could see small scars on her arms from self-harm, so I assumed it was for mental illness. I felt it was a bit bad and thought I probably should go easy on her. Never the less I was so attracted to her. Crazy or not, I sooooo wanted to fuck that skinny white little body with white blond hair. Talk about DNA tug. She felt it too and said how much I reminded her of her dad. She just reminded me so much of my ex oneitis, who I spoke about way more than I should have.
I felt there was an elephant in the room with my addiction history and her mental illness history so started to pry into her personal life and asked her if she was in hospital for depression, which she said yes, but was a white lie. It was more likely some sort of other mental illness. I shared about my addiction and history of depression that created a bit more of bond. This was ok.
Bounced her to the river to sit down and we spoke for a while and I allowed it to get into a little bit too much comfort. I did my check-list and I had already complimented her on her openness, femininity, and summer look. This is where I need to do the ring gambits and get closer with our hand holding, hair touching and gone for the first kiss. I found it hard to pull the trigger so I did the cube instead. This was good and always gives us references to talk about later. I noticed she moved on from her cube to the ladder and not wanting to talk about it, but wanting to talk about everything else, as a lack of self. I should have kept this more to myself. I didn’t do the storm, because I knew it would be bad for her, well done.
Next venue bounce to Copperface Jack’s. Kept talking inane bullshit the whole trip, seeding sheesha etc at my place. She loved the bar and we got my favourite seats. Alcohol lubed her a bit and it was easier for me to escalate. I did the hands and the jewellery and went for the kiss a few times. Not bad work. She said she had a boyfriend and I remained un-phased, although I judged her for not being more honest about it earlier. She was interested in what I had to say about male and female polarity, but I talked too much about what I had read from books and not enough about my own conviction. “I believe…” etc. rather than “I read” And I should have used the terminology “mating strategy” and the word “fuck” to normalize sex more.
I became very tired and a little disenchanted about her “boyfriend” and started to vague out and look at the schoolies having a fun time at the next table. I also realized I was leaning in more than her so sat with my side to her. It wasn’t a conscious push, but it worked well as one, it was almost like a freeze out. We got into an interesting topic and I faced her again and this time she turned into me. This time facing each other we got very close and we admitted to each other the male-female polarity and the energy that was exchanging between us. Our eyes were dilating and I had managed to get her into the place I wanted. I went for the kiss again and this time I was actually surprised she didn’t rejected it, it felt very on. I could tell how close she was and thought it was worth bouncing her to my place. This turned out to be a mistake.
I led strong, but like Krauser talks about it I hadn’t overcome the LMR. I hadn’t even gotten close. I can see why you need to kiss at V2 and then sex talk at V3. I was really only up to V2. I probably should have sent her on her way. This is the sort of thing I will see better in the future with more “case studies”
We came back to my place and I did the right things by giving her space, but I failed to realize the significance of ASD. The house was full of people and this freaked her out and she became more closed. The escalation was going backwards. In the bar she felt anonymous, but at my house with my housemates she felt judged. I need to get her to decide to fuck me before we got back to my place.
I think I did ok at my house. I was normal and not gamey, trying to show her how I lived, but pulled instead of pushed. Weirdly she was sizing me up for being a boyfriend. I must still give us a lot of K. I asked her what she didn’t trust about me and she said that I could be easily manipulated by women. That if I was with her I would be easily lured away by another woman. This is interesting. This is a good mirror. She was saying one of the core precepts of value triggers. She saw weakness in me. She saw I was too needy to fuck her and would go to too far to fuck her. Faking that is so much harder than meaning it. For now all I can do is recognize it. I didn’t qualify or challenge her enough, but I can start a bit now. First one is radio silence for a week. I showed her a side of intimacy she probably hasn’t seen much before, so I will give her the gift of thinking she has lost it.
I am getting better at fractionating and pushing, but still have a long way to go. I’m still not able to create enough attraction. And I may never be able to in hot 21 year olds, but I am on the path to learn.